REGRETS

LOST IN GRIEF

Helping you find direction through your grief journey

Hello again,

This week our eldest son, his wife and their four children are on holiday in Majorca. We are being sent lots of photos of their days by the pool and having lots of fun. Many years ago my husband, myself and my parents went to Majorca and had a lovely holiday. I have been thinking about that holiday a lot this week and the memories we made. Great memories to look back on now that my dad is no longer with us.

When I worked with bereaved children, either individually or in a group setting, one of the worksheets I would ofter use was “The Magic Bus”.

I would ask children if they could travel on a magic bus, where would they go? Who would they see? Who would they talk to?

My dad was a keen fisherman and one regret I have was not asking him to teach me fly fishing when I was a lot younger. I don’t know why I didn’t ask him, I just never got round to it. If I could travel on a magic bus I would go back to a time when I was much younger and ask him.

If you could travel on a magic bus, where would you go? Who would you want to see? What would you talk about?

Regrets are common while grieving and the feelings can be very powerful.

*Maybe you have regrets?

*Sense of failure

*Self-blame

*Maybe you would want to a chance of one more conversation

*Apologise

When we think about regrets we often think of the things we could have done differently but we make choices at that point in time with the knowledge we have in the situation we are facing. We can’t change these decisions in the present but we can deal with them. One way of dealing with regrets of the past is to write them down. In my blogs, I often talk about journalling and it can be a very powerful tool. Try to write down your regrets and what you would have done differently (or not). Looking at what you have written, may reevaluate your regrets seeing them in a new light. This can lead to self forgiveness which in turn can help separate regrets from your grief.

Talking about your regrets openly with a person you trust can also help, either a friend or a professional.

As I mentioned earlier, regrets can be a normal part of the grieving process. Joining a bereavement group may also help as you listen to the experiences of others.

So try and look at your regrets. Try and see them in a new light. Be realistic about what you could have or should have done differently.

THE LAST WORD

So, when I think about my regret of not asking my dad to teach me fly fishing, it’s not really a regret, it was just a missed opportunity. I hope if you look at your regrets you will be able to see them in a new light. We are not always in control of situations and we can’t ‘fix’ everything, so go easy on yourself. I have received more photos from my family in Majorca. They are having a great time, making memories.

Remember:

Grief is individual;

Grief has no timeline.

Until next time,

lorraine