SUICIDE

LOST IN GRIEF

Helping you find direction through your grief journey

Hello again,

Today I am writing about the sensitive and distressing subject of suicide. There are so many views on this subject but similar to any other bereavement we all deal with it differently.

Grief through suicide however, is different as loved ones often believe it could have been prevented.

“I should have called him earlier that day’

“Why did I not pick up on her change of mood?”

“Why did he not talk to me about what was troubling him. I could have helped”

The biggest questions left for loved ones is ‘Why?”

Death through suicide can still be seen as a stigma. You may find that people don’t know how to react to your loss and may avoid you. This can lead to you being isolated in your grief. You may feel you are being judged as you know people will be wondering if there were problems within the family.

Shock and disbelief will be the prominent feelings, followed by anger. Anger at the circumstances around the death. Anger at yourself for not being able to identify that there was something wrong. Finally, anger at your loved one.

Many years ago we had a suicide within our family and we were all shocked when we heard the news. The young woman had a good job, a supportive family and was financially stable. She had a happy outlook on life and was in good mental health. “The questions within the family was, “Why?”

There also may be an element of blame. Not in all cases, but some parents who have lost a child (of whatever age) may blame each other. There can also be a sense that you have let your child down. These are all normal reactions as our mind tries to make sense of what has happened.

Getting support is important when you are bereaved through suicide. By talking to others who have experienced the same feelings can help reduce your isolation in grief. I know that a group support setting is not for everyone, but give it a try.

Self care is important during grieving. Each day will be different, some more difficult than others. Try and eat well, go for a walk and engage with other, even for a short time. Remember that everyone grieves differently and may not show their grief in the same way as you. Try not to depend on alcohol or drugs to help you through. Seek professional advice. See your GP. Find comfort through your faith.

THE LAST WORD

As I write this final paragraph, I am thinking about the last words that some leave behind before taking their own life. Does it help if a letter is left explaining why they decided on suicide? I’m not sure on this. Have you experienced a bereavement through suicide? How are you coping? Have you looked for professional help? What, if anything, has helped you?

Remember:

Grief is individual;

There is no timeline on grief;

Until next time,

Lorraine