CROSSROADS

LOST IN GRIEF

Helping you find direction through your grief journey

Hello again,

The week I am in La Carihuela in the Costa del Sol. We have been visiting here for over ten years and we love it. Just sitting on the coast it is a small but busy pedestrianised village. No hills, so it is easy to walk around. We are a family group of eight on this trip each doing our own thing but meeting up at some part of the day.

This morning I wanted to take a walk alone to a cafe that I like. Even though I know the area well I found myself walking down a street towards the sea front and unsure if I needed to turn right or left. I stood for a moment and eventually turned right. I made the choice knowing that if it was the wrong one, I could always turn back and retrace my steps.

Sometimes when we are at a crossroads in life we are unsure of which path to follow. Rather than rush into a decision maybe we just need to wait a while before we move forward.

When I was offering bereavement support some grievers wanted to make decisions quickly. Some wanted to move house as they believed it would offer them a fresh start and help them ‘move on’. My advice was to wait a year before making that type of decision.

I remember one particular lady who moved house a few months after the death of her husband. She regretted it shortly afterwards and found herself driving by her previous home and yearning the familiarity of her family home and its memories. We talked about how your memories move with you.

When you come to a crossroad in life it can be a confusing time but you also have a choice

Do I turn right or left?

Should I wait before I make a decision?

Who can I talk with to help me make a decision?

Can you identify with this? For some people the decision is made for them. Maybe due to financial circumstances they need to move to a smaller house. There are many factors to be taken into consideration.

Grief can cloud our judgement making it difficult to make rational decisions. Or it can make us make impulsive decisions, which we may regret later.

SOME TIPS

• Wait for a while before you make major decisions such as moving house or starting a new job
• Try and prioritise your decisions. What needs to be done first?
• Be patient
• Talk to a friend or someone who is a good listener
• Seek professional help

There is no ‘short cut’ through grief. It is a process. Be patient with yourself.

THE LAST WORD

So, today I will be making some small decisions. Will I go for a swim? Out for a coffee? Walk around some shops? All small decisions but I will wait and see how I feel later.

I hope that you find yourself able to make both big and small decisions this week. Take time and be gentle with yourself.

Remember.

Grief is individual.

Grief has no timeline.

Until next time,

Lorraine