FUNERALS

LOST IN GRIEF

Helping you find direction through your grief journey

Hello again,

This week I am writing from my kitchen table. My mum has been staying with us since the death of her sister, my Aunt Joan, who I wrote about last week. We attended the funeral last Wednesday which was a celebration of her life. The service was personal and lots of family and friends were in attendance. I noticed how individual we all were in our grief. Some tearful, some quiet, some laughing and catching up with those they hadn’t seen in a while. What was evident, was the support that was offered to the family. Stories were shared. My cousin passed on some photos to me from years past. We all agreed that it was a good day even though it was sad.

For some people, the shock of the death and coping with grief means that they don’t feel part of the funeral. When I was offering bereavement support it was common for some people to say that they couldn’t remember who attended or who they spoke to. In these cases, shock can act as a protection to help you through the funeral process.

How have you coped with attending funerals? Was it a different experience each time? What or who helped you? What didn’t help?

It’s good to explore these feelings.

Attending a funeral can show support for the bereaved and allow you the opportunity to pay your respects. Of course each culture and religion will have their own traditions.

If children are attending the funeral it can be a good idea to have a person they know to be on standby if the child becomes upset. That person can then remove them from the service.

After my Aunt’s funeral family and friends met and had tea, coffee and something to eat. This was a time to met up with others and share stories and relax after the service. The planning of a funeral can also be a distraction for the family in their grief. They may find that after the funeral their grief might overwhelm them.

Have you had to plan a funeral? Think about that experience.

I remember when I was working, I visited a man who was dying. He was distressed over wanting to plan his funeral but each time he brought this up with his wife she changed the subject and refused to engage in the conversation. We came up with the idea that he could write down his wishes in a notebook. His wife agreed to this and promised him that she would follow his wishes when the time came. This was a solution that worked for them.

It is becoming more common now for people to pre-arrange their funeral. I remember when I worked in Hospice, patients often said it was a relief to have their affairs in order.

THE LAST WORD

So, my mum is planning to return to her own home tomorrow. She has benefitted from the support over this past week but feels she needs to move on and get back into her own routine. It has been a strange week in many ways. Sharing stories, sadness and laughter. It’s all part of the grief journey.

Remember:

Grief is individual

Grief has no timeline.

Until next time,

Lorraine