I’M FINE

LOST IN GRIEF

Helping you find direction through your grief journey

Hello again,

So, I am now back home after a lovely holiday in Puerto del Carmen in Lanzarote. The weather was beautiful and I was able to swim every day. I feel so fortunate that I am able to travel. However, this week I am feeling ‘down’. I don’t understand why I am feeling this way. I don’t often admit to feeling down as I tend to focus on the positive side of life. It has got me thinking about the image I portray to my family and friends.

How are you?

“I’m fine’.

Do you need help?

“No thanks. I’m fine”.

You must be tired

“No. I’m fine”.

On some occasions, I know that I am not telling the truth with my “I’m fine” answer, so why do I do it?

I am a private person and like to get on with things so I realise that it’s part of my personality. To be honest, I find it difficult asking for help but what happens when I need it?

I stepped outside my comfort zone this week when my son sent me a text.

How are you mum?

“To be honest I am feeling a bit ‘down’.

I felt guilty sharing my struggles with my son but I also felt relief through sharing. Can you identify with this? Are you able to ask for and accept help?

In grief, we find that family and friends often ask, “How are you?”. How often do we answer, “I’m fine”. There are many reasons we give this answer:

*It’s the answer they want to hear because if you say you are struggling, they won’t know how to answer.

*You don’t want to talk to the person and you want to change the subject.

*You know that this person won’t listen to what you need to say.

*Maybe you are feeling fine

Communication is important while you are grieving. It helps to be open and honest about your feelings. It’s about finding the right people to listen to you. If you can’t find this among your family and friends, then seek professional help, either individual support or within a bereavement group.

Masking your grief is not healthy. If you find it difficult to ask for help just try to step outside your comfort zone. You might be surprised by the result.

THE LAST WORD

Yesterday we took one of our grandsons out for the day. He has autism and does not verbally communicate. Believe me he can make his needs known! We follow the same routine with him during each of our days out. We start at the same cafe eating the same cake. Then a walk along the pier to toss stones in the water. Lunch and them home. It’s a lovely time for us and he enjoys it. Sometimes we forget how we communicate non-verbally. We don’t always need to ask questions to understand how someone is feeling or see what they need. Why don’t you try something different this week? Just like my grandson. throw a stone into the water and see the ripple effect.

Remember:

Grief is individual

There is no timeline for grief

Until next time,

Lorraine