GRIEF IN THE WORKPLACE

LOST IN GRIEF

Helping you find direction through your grief journey

Hello again,

Today I have started packing my suitcase again in preparation for a holiday in Lanzarote. We will be travelling as a family of five, myself and Stephen, my brother and sister-in-law and our mum. A lot of planning has gone into this holiday which has become normal as we all get older. Will there be much walking involved? Are there hills to walk or is it flat? We can’t however, prepare for everything and I’m sure we will meet some challenges along the way. We are looking forward to the holiday. Anticipation is a wonderful thing! Now that I am retired, I have much more time to travel and able to take advantage of cheap flights or last minute deals as I am not working. This got me thinking about work in relation to my blog and how we deal with grief in the workplace.

GRIEF IN THE WORKPLACE

As employers, how to we look after our staff when they have lost a loved one? Do we have a bereavement policy? How many bereavement days do we allow? Are we flexible regarding a grieving employee returning to work?

There are vast differences between employers which means that not all grievers are treated equally. Has this been your experience? When I was offering bereavement support, work situations were often a problem. Some people found their employers unsympathetic and felt there were rushed back to work over fear of loosing their job. This led to more stress as people were distracted and unable to give their full attention to their job. Other employers were more sympathetic which helped reduce the stress and anxiety.

Returning to work can be difficult. You may find that you lack concentration or that you become angry when co-workers complain about simple things. I remember a lady who told me that her head just couldn’t cope with co-workers arguing over desk space.

“It all sounded so trivial to me.’

Work can help you towards returning to a routine. However, it can also be difficult to know when is the right time. The following are some examples from grievers during my offering bereavement support.

“I returned to work a week after the funeral as I didn’t want to sit at home. After two days, I realised that I had made a big mistake. I couldn’t focus on anything. It was a nightmare.”

“My boss kept ringing me at home asking when I would be returning to work. He kept telling me how busy things were. I felt under a lot of pressure.”

Has this been your experience? How did you manage it?

HOW TO TREAT COLLEAGUES WHEN THEY RETURN TO WORK

I remember when I returned to work after my father died that I was surprised by some people who didn’t approach me to offer sympathy. However, I understand that for some people, they didn’t know what to say. Good managers and team leaders will have made contact with the griever before they return to work and ask what concerns they have returning to work. I remember one colleague contacting her boss before she returned to work after the death of her mother, requesting that no-one approach her to offer sympathy or support. This was relayed to all staff. I found it difficult but respected her wishes. We are all different. It is good for the manager to keep ongoing communication open with the grieving colleague, incase things change.

HR should also be involved in relation to leave and grief support. Supporting bereaved staff can make them feel valued, reduce their stress and anxiety and avoid or reduce sick leave. The anxiety around loosing your job and income is a secondary loss in the grieving process.

SOME IDEAS OF WHAT TO SAY

*How can I support you through this?

*I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can

*I wish I had the right words

AVOID SAYING

*They are in a better place

*Be strong

*There is a reason for everything

THE LAST WORD

Yesterday we visited my aunt in hospital. she had a fall and unfortunately fractured her hip. She is recovering well. It reminds me of how fragile life is and how quickly things can change. Enjoy doing the things you can and embrace life. I remember the saying, “live every day as if it was your last” and someone changing it to say “live every day as if it was your first.”

I will continue to pack my case and get ready for my trip. Next week I will post my blog from Lanzarote and give you an update on how I’m getting on. Today is Easter Monday and I hope you have had time to meet with family and friends.

Remember:

Grief is individual

Grief has no timeline

Until next time,

Lorraine