BEREAVEMENT GROUP WORK

LOST IN GRIEF

Helping you find direction through your grief journey

Hi everyone,

This week I have been down in Armagh visiting some of our grandchildren. We stayed overnight and it was lovely to spend time with them. They are growing up so quickly! Then on Sunday we took one of our grandsons out. We walked along Bangor marina. There was a cool breeze but the sun was out which made everything look better. I believe that a dull rainy day can make us feel miserable but once the sun is out it can give you a lift. We certainly felt better after our walk and went on to visit a local cafe. Do you feel your spirits lifted by good weather?

In this blog I will focus on Bereavement Group Work. I have had over 25 years experience in facilitating these types of groups and have enjoyed being part of them and watching people benefit from attending. We would always have closed groups which means that once we had identified who would be attending over the six sessions, no-one would join later. I believe that this helps the group gel together from the beginning.

WHY GROUP WORK?

Some people are anxious about attending a bereavement group. What will it be like? Will I be asked to speak? Will it make me worse listening to other grievers? Will I cry?

There are benefits in attending a group. My role was to facilitate the group and plan a programme for discussion. The main support that those attending benefited from was listening to each other. Although grief is individual, grievers can identify similarities.

I remember during one session, a lady said that while she tried to go out, it was difficult to come back to an empty house, especially if it was dark. Another member of the group said that it was the same for her but she had place a timer on a lamp in the sitting room. If she was out for an evening the lamp would be on when she arrived home. The lady thought this was a great idea and planned to do the same. This is a small example of what is discussed in the group but still a helpful tip.

Group sessions are not for everyone. Some people refuse to even try and that’s OK. We need to find what helps and supports us most. I remember talking to a young man whose wife had died and he had two small children. I was encouraging him to attend a group. He asked if we would all be sitting in a circle to talk and I told him no, that we would sit around a table as I felt it was more comfortable and we would be able to have a cup of tea. He agreed to attend. Just before the first session our maintenance team needed to use the room I was using which wasn’t a problem. I was just going into the room when the maintenance team were leaving. One of the men said,

“We knew you had your group tonight Lorraine, so we’ve set it up for you”

As I entered the room I saw that the table had been moved and that there were a circle of chairs in the middle of the room. At that moment the young man arrived.

“You told me we would not be sitting in a circle of chairs!”

He helped me move the table back and we were able to start the session.

THE BENEFITS OF A GROUP

The group is led by a professional who understands group dynamics. Sharing experiences reduces our isolation in grief and reminds us that we are not alone. Some people talk and share a lot in a group setting, while others are mostly quiet. Ideas are shared and coping strategies are discussed by the facilitator as well as other group members. Have you attended a bereavement group? Is it something you would try? Attending a group is not for everyone and sometimes one to one support is better but it’s worth a try.

I am aware that throughout my blogs I have not discussed suicide. This was mainly due to focussing on my work experience in palliative care. I will address this in a future blog.

THE LAST WORD

I will be off on my travels again in a few weeks to Lanzarote. I’ve never been there before so it will be an adventure. I will be travelling with my husband, my brother, my sister-in-law and my mum. In the meantime, I need to catch up on practical things that I’ve been putting off. I’m also planning to focus on self-care, which I’m not really good at. I’ll keep you up to date on how I get on.

Remember:

Grief is individual.

Grief has no timeline.

Until next time,

Lorraine