PUBLIC GRIEF

LOST IN GRIEF

Helping you find direction through your grief journey

Hi everyone,

Today I’m writing from my spare room again. No more travels for a few weeks. Yesterday was Mother’s Day here and I hope that those of you who have lost your mother, were able to manage through the day. My mum hasn’t been too well lately and she didn’t want to go out, so she came to my house for an afternoon tea. I decorated the table and used ‘my good china’. It was a bit of fun and we both enjoyed it. I also received gifts from both my sons and watched as they celebrated Mother’s Day in their own home with their families where our grandchildren had made cards for their mums. Life is a circle.

This week I have been particularly affected by the earthquake in Myanmar. Watching it on TV was horrifying and the rising number of deaths has passed 1600. I’m thinking of their families and loved ones and the ripple effect of grief across the country. Many of us will be following the events on the news trying to make sense of why and how this has happened. Many years ago, my mother-in-law was decorating her home. She had an old piano in her sitting room. I suggested that she should get rid of it. (Such is the insensitivity of youth!) She told me that she would never part with it because it had belonged to her mother. She then told me the story of her mother as a young person, would have went to church every Sunday with her family and when they returned home they would have gathered around the piano and sang, “What a friend we have in Jesus”. For that reason and the memories it held, my mother-in-law told me that the piano would stay. My mother-in-law died many years later. She had been ill for a short time and her death was a great loss. A few years after her death there was a gathering in Bangor to acknowledge those who had died in a recent bomb attack. At the end of the memorial they sang “What a friend we have in Jesus”. I began to cry. The tears literally came from nowhere. That is something about public grief, it can trigger a personal grief.

There have been many horrific global events that have shocked us all:

9/11 in New York; The Madrid train bombing on 2004 and many bombings in my own country in the past. These events have led to public shows of grief. It is a normal way to grieve as these events shake our understanding of the world. However, the grief will fade soon for those not directly involved.

You can address public grief by attending a public memorial or gathering; by following events on TV or giving to a charity.

There is also parasocial grief which is the genuine feelings of sadness after the death of a public figure. For example a king or queen, a leader or someone famous. If the person was someone you admired or shared values with. Even though the relationship is one-sided, you can still grieve their loss.

Can you identify with these types of loss? How did they affect you? Have you ever taken part in a memorial or vigil? Taking part in public grief, in any form, produces empathy and that can be a positive feeling.

THE LAST WORD

Grief appears in many shapes and forms. When you feel you are coping better a wave of grief can overwhelm you. Without warning a trigger can make your grief seem worse. I have offered bereavement support to many people over the last 25 years of my working life and have seen many people who have suffered multiple losses. What I can share with you is that these people have come through their grief. They have attended yearly public memorial services in memory of their loved ones and those of others. The human spirit is very strong. Find and talk to this who will listen and offer support. Find comfort and hope from your faith. Join a support group. Seek professional help.

“The human body has limitations. The human spirit is boundless”. Dean Karnazes

Today I am thinking about those who are grieving in Myanmar and my heart goes out to them. I hope they find the help and support they need.

Remember:

Grief is individual.

Grief has no timeline.

Until next time,

Lorraine