FINDING JOY

LOST IN GRIEF

Helping you find direction through your grief journey

Hello again,

This week I am planning to fly out to Alicante in Spain for a week long holiday. I’m nearly packed and looking forward to seeing some sunshine (hopefully). Anticipation is a wonderful feeling. Have you anything planned that you are looking forward to? A holiday, a day out, coffee with a friend? These things that can give us joy but can also make us feel guilty when we are grieving.

*How can I laugh when I have lost so much? *Have I forgotten him/her?

Emotions are within our body and different situations bring out different feelings. Experiencing happiness and joy does not mean that your grief has gone because all of our emotions exist side by side.

We can almost feel guilty for experiencing happiness and joy.

If you read my previous blog, ‘Malaga Memories” , I told the story of meeting a man who was bereaved. He was taking a short break in Malaga as he and his wife visited often. He described being on holiday without his wife as ‘confusing’.

“I miss her so much, I feel lost. It’s lovely to visit the places where we had went together but it feels like a double edged sword. I’m glad that I came and I am enjoying it but at the same time I feel sad and guilty.“

I feel that this illustrates how our feelings can change quickly and that joy is possible alongside grief.

Can you identify with this? Do you feel guilty when you find yourself laughing or have fun?

Have you felt that others have judged you because you are laughing? Grief and joy, like other emotions, co-exist. Feeling joy does not mean that you are not grieving, it shows that you are living your life alongside your loss.

HOW TO RESTORE JOY

Once you recognise that grief and joy co-exist, you can build on this. Start by engaging in activities that boost self-care. These can be simple actives such as taking time for a long bath, reading and walking. Think of your support network. Is your faith important to you? What guidance does your faith give you? Meet with people who support you and uplift you. Share memories.

Can you imagine having a group of people alongside you, supporting you? Who would they be? A partner, a parent, a teacher, God, a friend? In what way would they be supporting you?

Grief is a process and you need to recognise and acknowledge all of your emotions.

Experience joy through sharing good memories and appreciating small things in your daily life for example, laughing with a friend, enjoying a view or taking a walk.

THE LAST WORD

So, in three days I will be in Alicante. Next week I will post my blog from there and let you know how I’m getting on. I enjoy travelling and visiting new places. It’s nice to revisit places you know well but equally it’s good to step outside your comfort zone and find somewhere new and different. Can you try and do something different this week? Even something small.

“Even in grief, even with an empty seat at the holiday table, the capacity for joy is still within you”

Remember;

Grief is individual

There is no timeline on grief

Until next time,

Lorraine